


Tallied Up

by sabinelagrande



Category: Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
Genre: Bondage, Consensual Non-Consent, Definitely do try it if you get the chance, Dehumanization, Don't Try This At Home, Hide and Seek, Locking Somebody In a Shed, M/M, Marathon Sex, Overstimulation, Sex in Unconventional Places, Sneaky Sex, Spitroasting, Unrealistic Sex, but do it at somebody else's house, sexual competition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:55:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22628200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: Man cannot serve two masters; or: Tag, You're Fucked.
Relationships: Greg Davies/Alex Horne, Greg Davies/Rhod Gilbert/Alex Horne, Rhod Gilbert/Alex Horne
Comments: 5
Kudos: 105





	Tallied Up

The first thing Alex is aware of is someone with their hand on his ankle, trying to shake him awake.

"Hey," Rhod says. "Psst. Wake up."

"Huh?" Alex says blearily. "What time is it?"

"Don't worry about it," Rhod says quietly. "Just shush."

"Um, alright," Alex says, as Rhod pushes him onto his stomach. Alex slept in just his pants, and Rhod immediately pulls them down, leaving them at his knees and pushing Alex's legs apart. He immediately makes it harder to shush when he pushes his fingers into Alex's ass; they're slicked up, but it still makes Alex cry out.

"Quiet or I'll gag you, and it's too early for that," Rhod says, which is never an idle threat with him. 

Alex settles for pressing his face into the pillow, groaning into it as Rhod rolls on a condom and pushes into him. Rhod fucks him hard and fast, like he's trying to finish as quickly as possible. Within a few minutes, Rhod pushes all the way in and comes; he pulls out what feels like moments later, tossing the condom into the wastebasket by the bed and pulling up Alex's pants.

"This is a bit of an odd question, but why did you wear a condom?" Alex asks delicately; only two people are allowed to come inside him, and both of them take full advantage. 

"It's a bit rude, innit?" Rhod says, tucking himself away. "Fuckin' somebody raw and then shoving your cock down their throat."

Alex blinks. "Thank you for your consideration, but I'm not sure how I feel about the implications."

"Don't worry about it," Rhod says. He kisses Alex's forehead, then takes a marker out of his pocket and makes an X on Alex's right arm.

Rhod creeps out of the bedroom, and Alex is left extremely confused. He lays back down again, unsure what to do but just pretend it didn't happen and get a little more sleep. This works for about ten minutes, when the door opens again; it's Greg this time. He gets in bed next to Alex, and Alex expects perhaps an early morning cuddle, of the kind that Greg enjoys.

What actually happens is that he rolls Alex onto his side, pulling his pants down his legs and dropping them over the side of the bed, which is, admittedly, how a lot of Greg's cuddles end. "You probably won't need those," Greg says. His fingers are cold when he goes to open Alex up, but he makes a sound of annoyance at what he finds.

"That fucker," Greg says, pushing his clothes out of the way so he can rub the head of his cock against Alex's entrance. "He got the jump on me."

"I think you'll find he got the jump on me," Alex says. "Can I ask what's going on here?"

"You don't need to know," Greg says, his cock working steadily inside Alex for a few minutes before he comes.

"This isn't going to end well for me, is it," Alex says breathlessly, as Greg takes a blue marker and draws a circle on Alex's left arm.

"Probably not," Greg says, and then he leaves.

Alex rolls onto his back, looking up at the ceiling and being completely perplexed.

Rachel has turned him over to Greg for the weekend, as she sometimes does, so it's not like Alex wasn't expecting not to get fucked. He was expecting to get fucked a lot, honestly, but the manner has him suspicious and deeply confused.

However, it is also very early in the morning, not far past dawn, and Alex, somehow, falls back asleep. He rouses some time later to find no new marks on his arms, which is comforting, he supposes. He's not actually allowed to say no to either of them, but it's nice when they do show him some consideration.

He pulls on a new pair of pants, needing some level of protection. He's hungry, so he goes into the kitchen, intent on making some toast. He's looking into the fridge to see if there's any jam when a pair of hands grab him by the hips. He doesn't have time to look back at who it is before he gets spun around and pushed over the counter. That'll be Greg, then; Rhod isn't strong enough to just spin Alex like a top.

"I told you you didn't need these," Greg says, yanking his pants down again and dropping them on the floor. Greg pushes into him, and it drives him up onto his toes, the countertop too high and Greg too tall. It's extremely uncomfortable, but Greg doesn't seem to notice. He just pounds away at Alex's ass, taking exactly what he wants. Alex can't do anything but let him, so he does.

Greg pulls away, and he leaves another circle on Alex's skin. "Good boy," he says, kissing Alex on the top of the head, and he leaves.

Alex's toast has popped, so he just stands there and eats it, not sure what else to do. He's barely gotten half of it down when the door next to him opens. Rhod leans out of the pantry and grabs Alex by the arm, hauling him in.

"Morning," Rhod says, and he pulls Alex to the floor. His ankle is caught on a shelf and he thinks he'll catch dry goods to the face, but Rhod fucks him a little slower this time, his hand working on Alex's cock. There's no light except what's coming in around the door, so Alex can't see anything at all, can't do anything but feel Rhod on top of him, in him. It's surprisingly erotic, and Alex manages to come, which is an improvement.

"That's better," Rhod says; he finds Alex's arm by touch and Alex feels the slight dampness of the marker on his skin.

Then Rhod leaves, and Alex is just kind of stuck in a pantry. It takes him some attempts to get out, but he does manage it, without getting hit in the face with a sack of flour.

Alex is at a complete loss as to what to do. It's before noon, and he's already been fucked four times. If it continues at this rate, the odds for him do not at all look good.

He feels a bit disgusting, and a shower sounds really lovely; crucially, the door to the bathroom locks. It's one of those deals you can force with a bobby pin, but as long as Rhod and Greg don't know that, maybe Alex can have a moment's peace.

Alex has just gotten into the shower, taking a deep breath and trying to steady himself. Perhaps if he can have a little bit of quiet, he can make his own plan, instead of wandering around confused and getting passed back and forth.

The shower curtain slams open, and Alex, bless him, shrieks; he's having a rough day, and his nerves are a bit frazzled.

"Hands on the wall," Greg says. "If you get your arms wet, you will live to regret it."

"Sorry," Alex says, and he does as Greg says. He widens his stance, because he knows where this is going.

It goes exactly where he thought it would, Greg's hands against the wall above his as he drives home. Alex lets his head hang; he doesn't know why this particular time is working for him so well, but he comes, spattering the tile with it.

"That's it," Greg says encouragingly, moving a little faster and then finishing off.

Greg is, under everything, a teddy bear, so he does give Alex a good scrub, using the detachable shower head. He spends rather a lot of time washing certain tender areas, which admittedly is where Alex needed to be washed.

It clicks for Alex. "You're running out the clock."

"Yep," Greg says. 

"Surely that's against the rules," Alex says.

"There are rules," Greg acknowledges. "I'm going to bend them to the best of my ability." He steps back. "But I really do have to go now." He marks Alex's arm before picking up a towel from the rack and tossing it at him. "See you soon."

Alex, not sure what else to do, walks the few steps from the bathroom to the bedroom; he keeps some clothes here, and he would just feel a lot better if he put something on.

Alex has literally just stepped into the bedroom when the window opens; Rhod, improbably, climbs through, looking either way. "Alright?"

"I have no idea," Alex says, even though it was rhetorical, and then he's on his knees, Rhod pushing deep into his mouth, satisfying even despite all of this.

"You're both fifty years old," Alex protests, as Rhod marks another messy X on his arm. "How are you even doing this?"

"I took some pharmaceuticals and drank two cans of Red Bull," Rhod says. "No idea what Greg did. Probably just a fuck machine." He ducks down and steps out of the window onto the grass. "Back in a bit."

Would that that was the last time, but it is not. Alex has turned into the most perverse game of noughts and crosses ever devised. Wildly he thinks of what it would look like in an envelope: _Fuck Alex. Anal and oral sex are acceptable. Highest number of completed acts wins. Your time starts now._

Alex doesn't know what the time limit is, but it's better if he just doesn't consider it.

It occurs to Alex what is going on: Greg is trying to run out the clock, while Rhod is trying to run up the score. Greg is tracking Alex, but Rhod is tracking Greg, and he darts in while Greg isn't looking to get in a quick fuck. They are both strong strategies; they are both ensuring that Alex will not be walking tomorrow, or, indeed, possibly the entirety of the next week.

Sometime in the afternoon, Alex walks out into the back garden, just needing the fresh air. It's a nice day, actually; it rained yesterday, but it's clear today, a few clouds, uncharacteristically nice for England.

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex sees the door to the garden open and Greg step through.

"Oh, shit," Alex says, and he starts moving at a good clip towards the shed. Greg is walking slower but gaining on him, like this is a chase from a slasher movie.

Greg grabs the door just as Alex makes it inside, holding it open.

"Are you suggesting you're not going to let me have what I want?" Greg says, raising an eyebrow. 

"No, I just don't want to do it in front of the neighbors," Alex says quietly.

Greg considers this, then shrugs. "Yeah, I can spot you that one," he says, ducking into the shed and shoving Alex to his knees.

Alex is trying to leave the shed afterwards when Greg pushes him back in; he takes a rag out of his jeans and stuffs it into Alex's mouth, picking up a length of rope from a shelf and quickly binding his hands. He raises his fingers to his lips unnecessarily and shuts the door. Alex hears the rasp of the padlock on the other side, and then he's just sort of standing there in the dim light coming through the boards of the walls.

He's probably not there for very long, though it feels like it. Suddenly he hears the door rattling, and he can't decide if he wants to call for help or hide.

Alex doesn't understand the noises he hears next, faint clicking sounds, then the shackle on the padlock clanks open. The door swings open, and there's Rhod, tucking some metal tools into a case and slipping it into his pocket. 

"Of course I can pick a lock," Rhod says, seeing Alex's expression. Now that Alex thinks about it, he is pretty high on the list of people of his acquaintance who would know how. "Good look, though. Suits you."

Rhod does shut the door before he bends Alex over a shelf and has his way with him. Uncharacteristic of Rhod, he unties Alex's hands afterwards and takes the gag out of his mouth. "Go up to the attic," he says. "There's a little room up there, way in the back, through a crawlspace. If you can get to it, you're safe."

"Greg couldn't get back there," Alex says.

"No way in hell," Rhod says. "Like a moose trying to get on the Tube."

"But you could," Alex says.

"Yeah, but I'm so nice," Rhod says.

Alex just looks at him.

"You got me," Rhod says. "But you can choose me coming up there every now and again or Greg chasing you." He marks Alex's arm. "Just think about it. Either way, I'll see you around."

Rhod slips out of the shed, leaving Alex alone. Alex is struck with a difficult decision; Greg will be pissed if he finds out Alex took Rhod up on his offer, though it seems like fair play, but Alex would finally get some rest, even if it was interspersed with more sex.

It suddenly sounds like Paradise.

Alex creeps quietly back into the house. The entrance to the attic is fairly noticeable, a string hanging down from the ceiling in the hallway; Alex will be defenseless while he enters, but it's a risk he's just going to have to take. He manages to get the ladder down with a surprising lack of noise; it creaks as he goes up, but he makes it carefully to the top. All he needs to do is pull the ladder back up, and he's safe.

He's stepped into the attic and is about to pull his other foot in when a pair of hands clamps around his ankle and yanks him down. The hands let go, but Alex is already falling. He's convinced he's going to hit the floor, but Greg catches him in both arms.

"Do you really have to act like this is a horror movie?" Alex says, exasperated.

"You like it," Greg says, carrying him away.

It's right at dusk when Alex gives up.

He's made his attempts, but he never did have any control over this and he's not going to start now. He's done about the best he can, and he can't run any longer; it's a miracle that he's even able to walk. So he does the only logical thing: he sits down on the couch in the front room with a towel underneath him and waits for the inevitable.

For the first time all day, that Alex has seen, Greg and Rhod surprise each other, coming in from different directions too fast. They look at one another, then they look at Alex, who's flipping through Netflix.

"I see you've accepted your fate," Greg says.

"Mmm," Alex says, not looking away from the TV. "I've heard good things about GLOW, if it's not region locked."

"It feels unsporting," Greg says to Rhod.

"One more for the road?" Rhod suggests. 

"Yeah, I could go for that," Greg says, taking the TV remote out of Alex's hand and tossing it away.

Greg sits down on the couch and pulls Alex into his lap; Alex is so loose and stretched that he slides right in. The position leaves Alex at just the right height for Rhod to stand in front of him and guide his cock into Alex's mouth.

Alex doesn't even know how to feel anymore. He feels raw, sore, past his limit entirely, like he's not even a person anymore. He's just some holes that can be used, a collection of parts and not a human.

The problem is that that is so impossibly fucking hot that he can't stand it.

Alex absolutely cannot help it; he moans around Rhod's cock, too turned on to stop it. All of him hurts so badly, but it's just so good, especially with the two of them in him at the same time, twice the degradation.

"You liked it," Rhod says from above him, and he sounds delighted. "You like being prey, don't you?" He pushes in harder, making Alex gag. "Just want someone to run you down and treat you like an animal."

"I think he just likes being used," Greg says, his fingers digging into Alex's hips so much that it hurts. "Next time I'm going to put my whole fist in him at the end."

Alex can't hide his reaction, the way his hips buck in response. He feels like he's at the very end of his tether, hanging on by a fingernail, and it's amazing.

"Look at him," Rhod says, putting his hand on the back of Alex's head to hold him in place. "He's going to come."

"Surely not," Greg says, with a surprise that sounds fake. "Surely he's too ruined for that."

"Bet you wouldn't even have to touch him," Rhod says, and he's right. Greg pushes in a little harder and Alex makes a mess of himself, painting his stomach with it. It's absolutely the last thing he can handle, and he just sort of hangs in between them and lets himself go.

He only really knows it's over because Rhod pulls out of him quickly, finishing on Alex's face; it's just another thing that's happening, another sensation. They both move away, and then Alex is being moved into Greg's lap, sitting across him, Rhod next to him with Alex's legs in his lap.

"Alright, time to tally it up," Greg says, and each of them take an arm, counting the marks carefully. 

"It's a tie," Rhod says, surprised.

"That can't be right," Greg says. "Let's count them again."

They do so, jabbing at Alex's arm. "Sorry, mate, that's a draw," Rhod says.

"I really do hesitate to say this," Alex says, having roused enough to spot the problem.

Greg raises an eyebrow. "Go on."

Alex holds out his left arm, pointing; near the crook of his elbow, in among the circles, is one cross. "I think it happened while we were in the dark."

"Yes!" Rhod says, holding up both fists in victory.

"You're not in trouble," Greg tells Alex, "but I will be taking this out on you."

"I'm aware," Alex says.

Greg puts a hand on his head, guiding it so it's resting against Greg's chest. "But have a rest for right now," he says.

Rhod and Greg continue talking, but Alex doesn't hear it. He falls asleep across the two of them, too exhausted to do anything else.

They let him sleep. That's enough for one day.


End file.
